You seem to pose three distinct questions:
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When a person with mental illness is in a crisis, how far should you push them to carry out their daily obligations?
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Once a person has a mental illness, do they have it forever?
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Which mental health professionals are best qualified to deal with certain problems?
I will pass these questions along to our mental health advisors, and in the meantime some of the site's members will hopefully have some advice. My mother has a policy that I always go to school when I'm not feeling "well" but can leave to go to the nurse, psychologist, or student assistance counselor if I really can't take being in class anymore. If you haven't already, you should probably check into your school's resources for students with special needs. While we don't quite fit into the mold of the typical "special needs" student, school social workers are usually trained to help students with anxiety disorders. If your daughter is really in crisis, though, don't send her to school. It's horrible trying to get through school when you're terrified.
In regards to the second question, I don't know. I think it depends on which mental illness a person suffers from. I know that OCD is chronic but that it waxes and wanes over time. You can't be "cured" of OCD, but you can enter remission and be almost free of symptoms with treatment. Separation anxiety seems to be something most people grow out of, but, at your daughter's age, what appears to be separation anxiety could be a symptom of another anxiety disorder.
Thirdly, I really think you should consider having your daughter see a psychiatrist. If her anxiety is impacting her life so much that she has trouble going to school, medication may help to take the edge off while she works with her therapist on coping strategies.
Hope this helps!
~Caitlin